PARENTING

Once an American Lady took her 4 year old daughter to Swami Vivekananda and asked “Swami, My daughter is 4 years old. Is this the right time to start educating her?”  Swami Vivekananda replied- “Madam, You are already late by 4 years and 9 months!”  Swamiji’s answer speaks for itself! The responsibility of parenting begins with the child in the womb. Or rather, as per Indian tradition, the sense of parenting responsibility is triggered in a couple during the marriage rites itself!

Many parents cannot think beyond mere ‘biological parenthood’. But parenting doesn’t mean just supplying food, clothing schooling toys and some material support  to grow up. Parenting involves much more like- catering to the emotional needs, recognizing the unique inherent potentials  or blocks that the child has within and fostering the child’s self image and social responsibility, assisting the child to develop a vision and sense of discretion to deal with various stages of life, helping the child explore life and its glory and mysteries, etc. and much more. Within the limits of this article, let us see some important areas of child development in which every parent have a big role to play.

Giving the child the Emotional comfort

According to child psychologists, the basic attitude of a child towards life is formed during the first 6 years of its life. These are the years when the child needs to spend most of the time with its parents learning to see and analyze life and people around. The emotional comfort that parents can give during this tenure mean the most for a child. During its first 6 years the child is extremely sensitive to touch, odour, company, food and what it sees and hears around. The child feels most comfortable to be in close distance to its mother mainly because the  mothers touch, body odour, nearness and love makes it feel most secure and at ease. You might have noticed how little ones of this age group, amidst their play and laughter, run to their mothers now and again, cuddle up, kiss and get back to play! That is the emotional security the child craves for at this age. The parent must ensure to give maximum of this, so that the child does not grow up with a sense of insecurity. Even working parents, who cannot make much time to be physically with the child, MUST understand this factor, and somehow work to give their child that much of nearness that it needs. No toys, nannies, gifts or chocolates can substitute the nearness that parents / grandparents can give the child at this age.

Open up a positive perspective in the child

The child first sees the world through the eyes of the parent/ grand parent or nanny who handles it in its tender years. This is very important for its emotional growth. The words and stories that it hears, gestures and situations that it sees, create in the child’s psyche, generate a subtle feelings of liking or dislike towards life. It is here that the seeds of optimism, pessimism or sadism perspectives are sown or begin to sprout. There are many subtle attitudinal lessons that a child learns from its parents in its very early years- The parents’ personal behavioural patterns, their body language, lingual styles, habits and vices, likes and dislikes, their behavior with the grandparents and other elders, their bad and good moods, their mutual relationship, their response or reaction to different situations in life, their social and economic status, their religious beliefs and cultural tastes, their stress aspects and much more. So, every parent is consciously or unconsciously teaching the child something all the time! The more the parents are aware of this reality, the better. Teaching by being a role model is the best way to be a good parent.  If the parents lie, abuse, ridicule, insult or cheat others in the child’s presence, assuming that the child is too innocent to understand, they are wrong. The child has a natural way of inheriting these virtues or vices, without having to intellectually understand them. The basic attitude to take the royal path of honesty or go for a seemingly easier shortcut of vices is formed in the child, even before it can intellectually analyze that. So parents, be alert! You are being emulated by your child constantly!

Assist the child to explore life

Once a scientist asked Dr Abdul Kalam, “Who is the best scientist you have ever came across in your life?”, Dr Kalam replied- “The child”!

The inborn curiosity and experimentation makes every kid a self-made scientist. Not for a science degree or PhD or a status or any definable purpose, but out of unconditional love to explore, the child keeps ‘experimenting’ with everything and everybody around! We grumble over our little kids loitering the house with toys, utensils, water and stationary. But how many of us have observed why and how they do that? The kids are actually ‘scientists at work’! Just sit with the child, let it play around thus, observe ‘why and what exactly’ it is doing. Join the child, give more ideas and simple explanations and see how it discovers something new every moment! Supply children DVDs, books, crafts & colourful material. Sit along, watch and pretend to learn along with the child. BE enthusiastic, play pranks, giggle laugh, clap and run around with the kid. It is then you discover what a great scientist your kid is! It is only such a funfilled ‘co-learning’ experience that develops in the child, a love for life and an urge to learn.

Once my 4.6 year old kid found a long plastic chord and ties it all over the drawing room- From the door, to the sofa, to the window, to the tv stand and so on. He hanged a few toys, lids, covers and small material here and there on the chord. Ofcourse the house looked shabby all around. But instead of shouting at him, I asked- “Wow! What are you doing? Please teach me too! I am excited” I was baffled when he explained that he was constructing an ‘electricity station’! He explained that the chords that ran all over were the ‘electric wires’ and the lids and toys tagged here and there were the ‘transformers’ and other devices! We had shown the child transformers and electric stations while commuting on the roads. Now he was  doing a ‘practicals class’ for himself, generating even the ‘lab material’ that he needed! So, you see! There is indeed a scientist & philosopher in every child!  

Learning must not be confined to ‘literacy training and passing out exams’ at the school. Parents must develop the creative urge in their children to observe, experiment and analyze for themselves. Parenting is a great responsibility, involving many more subtle and gross aspects of personality development of the child. With all its woes and challenges, parenting is one of the most beautiful learning experiences for the parents themselves! Let’s use this blessed opportunity to contribute to a better society.

Dr Arathi V B, arathi.vbr@gmail.com